Hello to all today:

Well here I go rambling on about what a boring day I have had so far. Woke up, went to school, made another A in German (pat myself on the back), came home wrote an English paper, now I think I want to play poker.

Sorry about the post yesterday, but I am reading Red Dragon in class and while the book is actually interesting and I really do enjoy this sort of stuff (I am a criminal psych major) there are people who really don't get things.

For example, just because one is abused as a child does not mean they will grow up to become a killer! It is absurd to even think this is possible. Just because one is raped does not mean they will themselves become a rapist!!!!

On the other hand, I cannot understand why there are people who have no concept of what it is like to grow up in the families--or better yet--- the minds of serial killers. Their minds are different than the minds of the average and yes their actions may be monstrous, they are still human.

Let's say for example you are cheating on your husband, you may not feel bad about it, but your best friend would. The same thing...kind of...serial killers do not have that emotion in the brain to realize they are hurting others. If they do know that it hurts they do not CARE.

While I believe that serial killers and rapists are not safe and cause fear, I also do not believe they should die because their brains are different. It is not something that one can turn off. Hell even alcoholics are alcoholics their entire lives...the brain is different for other people.

Finally, the thing that really pissed me off yesterday was that there are those in the class that said serial killers deserve to die for their crimes, but yet the victims got what they deserved. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT????? Who's fault is it? The killer because he's crazy or the victim because they are pretty or gay or tall or blond or have blue eyes!!

I just don't get it. I respect all opinions as long as one forms an opinion! Telling me that a man should die because he is monster is one thing, telling me that the victim deserved to die is another!

Well thanks for stopping by
Nik

Hello to all today:

I hope that everyone had a great holiday! Sorry I haven't been posting lately, but I have had one crazy week. {she says as she finally puts down the liter of Jack} LOL no not really!

Family was in town, and then there was all the missed work for school...I've just been playing catch up the past few days, and I have also been nursing one killer hang over.

Family gathering went well. It's always a pleasure to relax with those people who are closest to your heart. It makes one relax, because there is no one around you who will criticize or judge...hell they also came from the same tree so to speak.

Having a hard time in my English class right now, the topic is serial killers and rapists and it's hard for me to discuss these issues some times...but I am managing...well right now anyway!

I'm going to surf a while...

Thanks for stopping by
Nik

Hello to all again:

Well it's finally here huh? Thanksgiving. Well, Thanksgiving has me stressed out! My nerves are twisted and I cannot think straight. I have nine family members here in TN for this oh! so very special occasion, and I haven't been able to eat in three days.

Maybe its the family, maybe its been the tests and exams, maybe its love or the lack of love! What ever it is I hope that this weekend goes by fast so I can get back to normal!

I wish you all the happiest Thanksgiving, and I hope you all celebrate with joy and peace!

Nik

Hello to all today:

I have a little story to tell...

...Today she remembers. She remembers what it was to be touched. Touched by a man who really thought she was an angel. She remembers the way his fingers held her face and the way those tender hands fell down her back. The hands that brought with them passion. The passion that allows the spirit to come to the surface once again.

Those hands touched every part of her body. However, it wasn't just a once over. She remembers the way those hands allowed her to close her eyes and fly. The tender caress, the gentle rub, it was a touch to last through all the years, only to be desired in dreams.

She walks to the chair and she thinks about the kiss. It was never a real kiss like those in the movies. Only the million tender kisses on her skin. He kissed all the places never kissed before. The places that have yet to have a tender lip. Those are the kisses remembered when she is with any other man. Those kisses were the ones many left out, and only one man has braced her neck, breasts, and face with the kisses of passion.

She rises and walks to the kitchen where she walks to the window and looks into the sky. The rainbow is there to wash away the rain. She once again wishes she vanished back to that time when a touch and kiss would surface in the night. Those gentle looks that made her heart ache to be one once again like that night where passion overtook sense and she allowed herself to fall for the man who made every moment feel like an eternity. It was an eternity of complete need and wanting.

Then she walks to the bath and lowers herself into the tub and before the nights final memory, she thinks it should have never ended.

Thanks for stopping by!
Nik

Hello to all today:

I found an old poetry book of mine today and I just want to share some of my younger thoughts with you guys today:

-Can't you see-
When you look at me, can you not see my trembling?
Have you not seen the pain you have inflicted onto me?
When you hold me, can you not feel my desire to be free?
Do you embrace the agony?

I'm dying a little every day and you don't ever seem to notice!
There you go; carry you're own buisness...

When you talk to me, you act like you care, but you're scream disappointment and discontent.

I am who you have made me to be.
I'm just like you.
Can you not see?

You look at me with hatred.
You hold me with discomfort.
You talk to me with criticism.

You say it's okay to cry, yet you turn your head when I try.
You hurt my feelings to save your own pride.
When I need a friend you're the first to hide.

I'm just like you would have me to be.

A frightened little girl, filled with hopelessness and despair.
My soul aches with nothingness.
My spirit cries with brutality.

Can't you see?
You made me this way.
---

BOY! That was written on 18 August 1996. At 12:45 a.m. In case you didn't hear me I WROTE THAT AT ONE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!

Probably some teenage love gone bad or something. I was 15 almost 16. So who knows what the hell can make someone that freakin' sad unless you're 15 going on 16. I sure am glad I recovered from that nightmare! I read the next day's entry and the poem I wrote was 'Oh, how I love the sunshine'. So I guess I couldn't be that heart broken.

A note to all the parents of teenagers:
I promise they will make it out of the slump...
...I just don't really know if you will...and I honestly can't understand how parents deal with all the ups and downs...way to go!!

Thanks for stopping by
Nik