Hello to all today:

I found an old poetry book of mine today and I just want to share some of my younger thoughts with you guys today:

-Can't you see-
When you look at me, can you not see my trembling?
Have you not seen the pain you have inflicted onto me?
When you hold me, can you not feel my desire to be free?
Do you embrace the agony?

I'm dying a little every day and you don't ever seem to notice!
There you go; carry you're own buisness...

When you talk to me, you act like you care, but you're scream disappointment and discontent.

I am who you have made me to be.
I'm just like you.
Can you not see?

You look at me with hatred.
You hold me with discomfort.
You talk to me with criticism.

You say it's okay to cry, yet you turn your head when I try.
You hurt my feelings to save your own pride.
When I need a friend you're the first to hide.

I'm just like you would have me to be.

A frightened little girl, filled with hopelessness and despair.
My soul aches with nothingness.
My spirit cries with brutality.

Can't you see?
You made me this way.
---

BOY! That was written on 18 August 1996. At 12:45 a.m. In case you didn't hear me I WROTE THAT AT ONE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!

Probably some teenage love gone bad or something. I was 15 almost 16. So who knows what the hell can make someone that freakin' sad unless you're 15 going on 16. I sure am glad I recovered from that nightmare! I read the next day's entry and the poem I wrote was 'Oh, how I love the sunshine'. So I guess I couldn't be that heart broken.

A note to all the parents of teenagers:
I promise they will make it out of the slump...
...I just don't really know if you will...and I honestly can't understand how parents deal with all the ups and downs...way to go!!

Thanks for stopping by
Nik

Hello to all today:

I can't write long because I am going to get a jacket!!! Well actually a coat! After the storm yesterday it seems like the cold front beat the warm front's ass!! It's freezing today, so I am off to find a coat made just for me. (eyes fade off while dreaming of pearl white gloves and a pink scarf)

He he he

Thanks for stopping by
Nik

Hello to all today:

While attending another God given day at school I had the strangest vision. See, I was sitting in my car finishing my reading assignment from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when I looked out my window and what did I see? The most beautiful scene that mother nature herself is only capable of.

I have always been fond of the 'calm before the storm' if you will. I usually hide and cry when lightening and thunder finally calls, but that moment before the appearance of the storm becomes the actual storm is the most beautiful thing to me.

Picture it:
The sky is a dark, dull gray. The clouds above are in many dreadful colors such as dark gray, light gray, pearl gray, and the lightest of all blacks. The clouds appear to swallow each other in a race. One moving faster than the other only to win a prize of being combined with yet larger clouds. There is wind. It's not the wind that knocks one off their feet, but wind that makes one wish they didn't spend so much time on their hair. It is calm. It is eerie.

Even other people are calm, it seems like we all take on the personality of the upcoming storm. Some are ready to find shelter, and others, like me are just sitting there waiting for the first tiny rain droplets to sprinkle my face.

Then of course there are two tornadoes and beautiful turns frightful in a second and I only wish to stand in that humble moment again...

Thanks for stopping by
Nik

Hello to all today:

Thanks for all the positive comments on my new blog colors. This palatte thing is pretty cool huh?

Well I haven't been doing too much lately. You know studying for two exams, getting prepared for a school study I need to finish for this week. I wrote a paper for English and finished a lab assignment that is due tomorrow. I also started a book for class that needs to be read by Tuesday, and also read three short stories for the same class. No wonder I got a migraine last week!!!

But I'm much better today, feel a little more relaxed. It's amazing that when you let things out that you have kept bottled up for so long how much better you feel. That story id for another post.

I just wanted to talk about love today. When does love become gray? When does one settle? I mean we fall in live and we have lust in the beginning, how many of us live with that lust forever? I love being friends, but there are times that I wish I could go back 5 years just to feel that lust again. Is that wrong? Is love really when the lust leaves and friends is better than lovers? It seems like there are a lot of people with these same feelings. So what's the best? What is perfect? Does anyone have the answer? Is there an answer?

Well I should probably for before I just keep rattling on. I want to surf for a while and see how I can get on to see Scratch!

Thanks for stopping by today
Nik

Hey guys tell me what you think...what needs to change? Is it easy to read...too flashy? just let me know Yea?!?!?!

Nik